And hockey guys get hot chicks, FLC PICKS, WEEK14

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Did someone mention “sloppy seconds”? Why-oh-why is Sean Avery so misquoted? Of course he was simply talking about those great Thanksgiving leftovers that get a bit messy after 5 days in the ‘fridge. Me thinks the NHL needs to turn down the sensitivity-o-meter just a tad. At least Avery didn’t McSorley someone.

The usually reliable Buttapicks was a bit sloppy ourselves last week: we hit 2 and we missed 2. But, we were really, really close on last week’s “Gut Pick” (KC vs. Ross line -25; actual -24). Because we tried really, really hard and we came so very close to making you mo’ money, we would please ask that the angry phone calls to our offices stop. You guys know who you are. We just hired a pretty li’l gal this week who joined us after a stint with the Big 12 offices in Dallas. She got so tired of hearing “f#*%*ng idiots!”, “good for nothin’ sh!tbags” and “no talent @ssclowns!” that she had to find a new job and she ended up at Buttapicks. Let’s not make her 1st week on the job a bad one. We like how she takes dictation and she’s got magic fingers. Plus, we promise to be extra good in our picks this week. Let’s roll!

WHO’S HOT: MM W2 (and 3 of 4), FLC W2
WHO’S NOT: TLIC L5 (winless in last 8), ROSS L3 (and 4 of 5)


THE GAME OF THE WEEK
AP3 JOE LOUIS (8-5) -15 vs AP4 FLC (7-6)
LAST MEETING: FLC 146, JOE 101

This is THE game of the week. It’s like that little university that’s located in Columbus, Ohio. No, it’s not Ohio State University: it’s THE Ohio State University. You know: the place that produces athletic teams that can’t clinch THE national championship time and time again. But, enough Buckeye hatred. This one is simple folks: if FLC wins, they’re in the “real” playoffs. If Joe Louis wins, they can make a case for AP #2 and home field advantage in the Pasty Gangtaz playoffs (and, you just can’t minimize home field advantage in fantasy football).

Give the advantage to JL in the rematch. In Week 7, JL’s QB Brees had an off day against a strong Carolina Panthers “D”. In Week 14, Brees faces an Atlanta “D” that gives up a lot of passing yards. In addition, look for JL’s “D” of Pittsburgh to score more points than JL got out of Dallas’ “D” in Week 7. FLC has had to make a major change at the RB position. FLC replaces workhorse Portis with LenDale White who is up against a Cleveland rush defense that is 26th in the league. However, White is also up against his own teammate Chris Johnson in terms of touches so it’s not a clear move in terms of payoff for FLC. While FLC looks to have a good line-up of WR’s going this week, the combination of JL WR Randy Moss against Seattle’s “D” (league worst 265 yards passing against) and JL RB Michael Turner against a generous Saints’ “D” gives JL the edge.

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MS. GONGENIALITY GAME OF THE WEEK
AP5 ND40 (7-6) +7 vs AP6 BUTTA (5-4)
LAST MEETING: ND40 141, BUTTA 119

Don’t be hatin’ Buttapicks. This game is good: it just didn’t look as good in the evening gown competition. But, there are important implications in this match-up, especially if FLC falters at the finish line. ND40 needs a “W” like a post-Clinton White House keyboard needed a “W”. Butta needs a “W” like Iowa Hawkeye freshman forward Andrew Brommer needs free throw shooting lessons. We’re actually not sure what a “W” gives Butta: home field advantage for the 1st round of the Toilet Bowl? A win by Butta (by silly points) + huge underperformances by both FLC and ND40 could put Butta in the “real” playoffs. We calculate the odds at somewhere between “slim” and “none” (similar odds to whether Lois Feldman was drugged at the Metrodome and ‘forced’ to…ummm…engage in various sex acts with a stranger in the men’s restroom, while onlookers cheered them on).

The computers say that both QB’s could have monster days on Sunday but Buttpicks.com disagrees. While ND40 QB Rogers performed well during a Week 7 match-up against Indy, Tom Skilling from WGN sez “don’t forget your booties because it’s cold in Green Bay on December 7”. Give the edge in the QB position to Butta during Week 14 as Pimples Manning goes against the Bungles while QB Rogers has to deal with a high temp predicted to be no more than 20 during the Packers game against Houston. We also like Butta’s WR’s this week: Steve Smith, T.O. and Donald-Duck-Driver could be big while ND’s WR line-up will likely be more “miss” than “hit”. ND40 is going with the savvy move of picking up and playing the “your-former-#1-receiver-is-hurt-and-shot-hisself-in-the-leg-with-a-Glock-.40-so-his-azz-is-grass-and-now-I’m-the-#1” WR. While ND40 definitely has an advantage at RB (Slaton could get lots of touches at a cold weather Lambeau), Butta’s combination of K Bironas and Indy’s “D” against Cincinnati could provide the difference. Yes, I said it: a kicker could make the difference.

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AP2 KC BEES (8-5) pick’em vs AP7 TLIC (3-9-1)
LAST MEETING: KC 141, TLIC 92

KC and the Sunshine Computer Band getting’ no love from fellow Pasty Gangstaz this week: despite an 8-5 record, at least 2 PG’s feel KC will miss the “real” playoffs. Perhaps KC’s total points (currently 5th in the league) is casting some doubt? KC can erase all doubt with a pounding of TLic [insert Lois Feldman joke here…actually you can insert an “insert Lois Feldman…” joke here too] this week. Meanwhile, TLic is riding out [Feldman joke goes here] the season. After boarding the SS Minnow for what the team thought was going to be a 3-hour tour, TLic instead finds themselves stranded on a desert island. And, there’s no Ginger. There’s no Mary Ann. There’s no Lois Feldman. Heck, there’s not even a Mrs. Howell. TLic is gearing up for Toilet Bowl ’08 and the coveted #1 draft pick which led to so much glory this season. Oh…wait…scratch that.

KC put a hurtin’ on TLic in Week 7 but Buttapicks just doesn’t see it happening again. In fact, the Week 14 match-up is so close, we’re going all-chicken sh!t and calling this game a pick’em. Call us yellow. Call us cowards. We don’t care. Just don’t call us next week looking for an extension on your payment to us.

Both QB’s will be silly this weekend: Cassel should rebound from a clunker against a poor Seattle “D”. Meanwhile, Hy-Vee Warner is going to light up St. Louis like a Kennedy pre-Christmas party. Or, a Britney Spears pre-surprise-wedding night in Vegas. You guys go with the analogy that works for you. We also think the WR match-ups are even, with each wideout holding an advantage over every pass defense they face. While TLic holds a sizable advantage in the team Defense category (Baltimore vs. Chicago’s “D”), KC holds a sizable advantage in the TE department (Tony G. vs. Dustin [“don’t call me Diamond”] Keller). It’s just too close to call folks…so, we won’t. Bwawk, bwawk.

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GUT PICK OF THE WEEK
AP1 MONTREAL (9-3-1) -14 vs AP8 ROSS (3-10)
LAST MEETING: MM 138, ROSS 97

The gut thought it was finished after last Thursday night. After the 4th glass of Shiraz (to help wash down the 2nd slice of Aunt Beth’s pecan pie), the gut was tired. The gut was bloated. The gut was flabby and all tore up. But, the gut is back and it likes the Week 14 match-up of Montreal vs. ROSS.

Conventional wisdom would tell you that Montreal would coast in Week 14. After all, Montreal is the regular season champ and has nothing to play for. But, Buttapicks sees an intriguing match-up nonetheless. It’s going to be tough sledding for Montreal at the RB position as Bears’ RB Forte faces a pissed off Jaguar “D” and Thomas Jones goes against a better-than-average 49ers rush “D”. Meanwhile, ROSS has got decent match-ups against team defenses at the WR and RB positions (nice to see Westbrook back in a ROSS line-up). For Montreal to cover the spread, it’s going to come down to 2 positions: QB and team defense. Philip Rivers could have a great day against the Raiders and Tennessee could have a great day against a Cleveland offense whose field general is now…Ken Dorsey? However, the Raiders are horrible against the run and Rivers may simply give the ball to L.T. And, Cleveland could be really, really good and put up huge numbers against the Titans and…wait…no…that won’t happen. Never mind.

Team ROSS could make this one close if QB Roethlisberger shakes off a so-so performance against the Patriots and really sticks it to Dallas. The Cowboys have a top 10 defense but have shown themselves to be rather inconsistent throughout the 2008 season (witness back-to-back October losses to Arizona and St. Louis). Although Roethy will be the better QB this weekend, the gut still likes Montreal and likes them by 2 touchdowns.

That’s it. Sit back, set the recliner to “chill” and enjoy another great weekend of football. Remember: at Buttapicks, we don’t make the product…we make the product better.