EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: FLC

BP: How are you?

FLC: life is great for FLC….lol. :p Best family ever!!!!! Super talented kids. My beautiful bride makes the yummiest meals. YUM-O!!!!!!! I get to hang with my besties in Naperthrille all day long and do AWESOME things! Job is going well…making soooooooo much money and have clients who loooooove me. Every day I wake up and say: “R U KIDDING ME????????” For realssssssssssssssss-y. ;)



BP: This is a big week for FLC. Even though it’s early, this AP1 vs. AP2 game is as big as Naperville has seen since your Supa Bowl victory. How is the team preparing?

FLC: lot of carb loading, Butta. Oh, and multi-pack purchases of Chasers, the official hangover relief of TPG.

Oh, you meant how the team is preparing. Sorry.

Ummmmmm….lots of extra film sessions. Oh, and extra Indian Runs, Terrible 20’s, Box Drills and 4 Corners. 4 weeks in and FLC is still kinda soft. Not Delta Burke caught in a mattress factory with the Pillsbury Doughboy soft, but soft nonetheless.


BP: It’s interesting that you hired Kanye as your VP/Public Relations/Hype Man. A lot of people around the league thought it was to get back at ND40 for his teaming up with Serena. Ever since ND40 started SMACKIN DAT AZZ, they have been a dominate force in the league. In fact, ND40 is 3rd in All-time wins and have become part of the PFL elite. How has the relationship between you and Kanye helped FLC Football and is this in retaliation to ND40 front office success?


FLC: An unnamed source has suggested that ND40 owner Kurt’s trips to Eastern Europe (specifically Budapest) serve the sole purpose of obtaining East German anabolic steroids. I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’. Have we seen ND40 become more aggressive and dominant on the fantasy football field over the past couple of years? Absolutely. Have we also seen ND40 fade in November and December, like Snooki’s tan in January? You bet. Connection to East German anabolic steroid use….you be the judge.

Have you seen Serena lately? Dude…err…gal looks more like Carl Weathers in “Predator” than a woman’s tennis pro.


Aside from all the blatant cheating, Kanye has been a stabilizing force in the FLC front office. Guy is the epitome of calm, cool and collected. Plus, he puts the “a-s-s” in “c-l-a-s-s”.


BP: Rumor has it you and Kanye like to roll up and down the streets of N-Ville in the mini-van after a victory…..and with the focus of harassing Naperville’s most attractive moms. You guys call it “Riding Dirty”. Is this true? Also, we all know that black on black crime is a serious problem in our nation. White on White crime is serious in Naperville as we know. Now, Naperville is calling you guys, “Oreo Nation” and “Twist Ice Cream” when you roll in the mini-van. Are you guys causing trouble?

FLC: No question the Naperville po-po are on the lookout for the street custom Odyssey after FLC victories. They think they can see us lean but the Honda is tint so it ain't easy to be seen. Sure, we got warrants in every city except Houston, but we still ain’t losin’.


Kanye and FLC get this bad boy reputation that we just don’t live up to. In fact, our favorite post-victory routine is to head to some exclusive Naperville haunts and chill with our shorties. Not sure if the rest of the nation has heard of such hot spots as Buffalo Wild Wings and Five Guys, but that’s how Kanye and FLC roll….exclusive. We like poppin’ bottles in the ice; like a blizzard. Oh, and when Kanye and FLC drink, we do it right; gettin’ slizzard. Our post-victory celebrations are like being in a top-notch private aircraft, but I can’t come up with the right name to describe it.

To top off a victory weekend, Kanye and FLC hit the super exclusive Cold Stone. Too damn bad for the rest of TPG’s that you don’t have access to such luxuries like Kanye and me.


BP: Finally, what would a win over TLIC mean to the city this week?

FLC: A victory this weekend would soften a lot of recent Naperville disappointments: the loss in the Illinois State debate finals by the Naperville Central High School Redhawks, the closing of the Ann Taylor Loft on 75th Street and the fact that the city fell to the 54th best place to live according to Money magazine (after being #3 in 2008).