ROSS PICKS, WEEK 6

Buttapicks.com
1-888-BIG-MONY

Ext 69 takes you straight to the ROSS suicide prevention line, where I tell you to go ahead and end it now.

Boys, at this point in the season, in real life football as in fantasy, you are what you are. Are you going to make it to the top 4 and stop a mudhole in the chest of all your opponents, or are you going to dance around like a bunch of Kansas City f@ggots (no offense, Bees) for the rest of the season? Can you make a trade or a miracle pickup that can improve your team? Yes. But your chances of changing the tiger’s stripes now are about as likely as Jeremiah Wright attending a Devo reunion concert. ROSS, Joe Louis, KC – what the fck were you doing on draft night – next time, replace the cheeba in your bongs with regular tobacco, and don’t tell me it was for your glaucoma.

The parity of the league is more acute this season, and especially this week. A loss here and a win there, and we could have a new number 1. Butta could easily find himself in the toilet bowl side of the rankings. FLC puts 2 consecutive wins together, he could be untouchable at the top based on points. ROSS and KC – well, they will be battling each other for last place for the rest of the season.

WHO’S HOT: MONTREAL W4
WHO’S NOT: ROSS L1


GAME OF THE WEEK
NUMEROUS – MULTIPLE RANKING SHAKEUPS AT STAKE

I AM GOING WITH TLIC vs FLC (LAST SEASON SPLIT 1-1)

This one, like nearly all the matchups, is just too close to call. TLIC qb Kurt Warner appears to be back to form (amazing what you can do when 2 of the top WRs in the NFL are on your team, eh Kurt?) but FLC QB Cutler should have a great day vs the lousy passing defense of Jax. The WRs here are a push, but I think the difference could be Bernard Berrian – anyone playing Detroit will look like Sauron in the opening scene of Fellowship of the Ring. FLC picked up the great but hard-to-predict-usage-of Correll Buckhalter off the waiver wire, although it seems likely that he will get the nod this Sunday, and although he is no Westy, he is solid. Surprise edge this week will go to the Washington DEF – they will make the Rams look like asshats, and I am seeing at least 2 defensive TDs.

TLIC by 9.


AP1 MM (4-1) -5 vs AP4 BUTTA (3-2)
LAST SEASON SERIES: BUTTA 2-0

According to the projections, this is very close. I agree – this was is tough to call. Will Butta be too distracted being a hockey mom to pay attention to his fantasy squad? I mean, he did blow off his writing duties this week; clearly his mind is somewhere else. I like MM QB Romo vs the Cardinals, but if Romo has a good day, that should mean Butta WR TO has a good day as well. Butta WR Steve Smith is an animal – I can never root against this guy since I picked him up off waivers like 3 years ago, and he kicked ass. MM WR TJ Housh will be distracted talking to the 49ers on the sidelines; other WR Plaxico will be on the phone all Sunday talking to Alamo Rent-a-Car. The difference-maker in this one will be MM RB Matt Forte – this guy is on fire, and will go off against the dirty birds.

MM wins by 5.

AP3 ND40 (3-2) -10 vs AP7 JOE LOUIS (2-3)
LAST SEASON SERIES: JOE LOU 2-0

ND40 was reportedly injured slashing McCain signs with a boxcutter in Highland Park – will his painkillers cause him to lose focus? This one should come down to running back performance, and in this matchup, we have the some of the elite backs in the league. JLL Gore and Brown are kicking all kinds of ass of late – did anyone foresee the bizarre resurgence of Ronnie “Direct Snap” Brown? ND’s Adrian Peterson is a god among men, and can be worth 2-3 players worth of stats if things go his way. As of this writing, ND40 has Earnest Graham riding the pine, which is understandable given the annoying old geezer Warrick Dunn hanging around stealing his carries. I think Brees and Rodgers are a push. ND WR Greg Jennings should account for ND40’s lack of a quality second running back. The x factor here is Jason Witten, who should have a monster day vs the Tards.

ND40 by 10.

GUT PICK OF THE WEEK
AP6 KC BEES (2-3) vs AP8 ROSS (1-4)
LAST SEASON SERIES: KC 2-0

KC Bees are hating the software and technology in general – word is that he has retreated to the mountains to a decrepit cabin, Unabomber style, and is setting his lineup via handcrank laptop. The analysts are highly discounting ROSS lynchpins Jason Campbell and Santana Moss based on crap performance last week, but you can’t play the Rams without looking like allstars, no matter who you are. ROSS RB’s are a veritable who’s who of the NFL, i.e., “Who? Who the fck is that?” KC Bees WR corps of Fitz and Marshall should be solid. I think this one is closer than it looks on paper, but ROSS is snakebit – it is doubtful they will win another game this season.