AP PCS POLL, WEEK 6

AP#1 MONTREAL: MM is rolling. They now have a 2 game lead over 6 teams. Yep, six teams are 3-3. MM QB Romo has time to go to Mexico with Simps.

AP#2 FLC: The defending champs have made the jump to AP2.

AP#3 TLICIOUS: Lose to FLC but still an AP3. Cant complain about that

AP#4 JOE LOUIS: Hanging around still. Its like watching Flo in an "Alice" re-run or Re-run in a "Whats Happening" re-run. It never goes away.

AP#5 ND40: Wake me up when September ends

AP#6 KC BEES: A ROSS loss would of sent the software over the edge

AP#7 BUTTA: Nobody playing well

AP#8 ROSS: only 2 games back of the pack?!?! It aint over

ROSS PICKS, WEEK 6

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Ext 69 takes you straight to the ROSS suicide prevention line, where I tell you to go ahead and end it now.

Boys, at this point in the season, in real life football as in fantasy, you are what you are. Are you going to make it to the top 4 and stop a mudhole in the chest of all your opponents, or are you going to dance around like a bunch of Kansas City f@ggots (no offense, Bees) for the rest of the season? Can you make a trade or a miracle pickup that can improve your team? Yes. But your chances of changing the tiger’s stripes now are about as likely as Jeremiah Wright attending a Devo reunion concert. ROSS, Joe Louis, KC – what the fck were you doing on draft night – next time, replace the cheeba in your bongs with regular tobacco, and don’t tell me it was for your glaucoma.

The parity of the league is more acute this season, and especially this week. A loss here and a win there, and we could have a new number 1. Butta could easily find himself in the toilet bowl side of the rankings. FLC puts 2 consecutive wins together, he could be untouchable at the top based on points. ROSS and KC – well, they will be battling each other for last place for the rest of the season.

WHO’S HOT: MONTREAL W4
WHO’S NOT: ROSS L1


GAME OF THE WEEK
NUMEROUS – MULTIPLE RANKING SHAKEUPS AT STAKE

I AM GOING WITH TLIC vs FLC (LAST SEASON SPLIT 1-1)

This one, like nearly all the matchups, is just too close to call. TLIC qb Kurt Warner appears to be back to form (amazing what you can do when 2 of the top WRs in the NFL are on your team, eh Kurt?) but FLC QB Cutler should have a great day vs the lousy passing defense of Jax. The WRs here are a push, but I think the difference could be Bernard Berrian – anyone playing Detroit will look like Sauron in the opening scene of Fellowship of the Ring. FLC picked up the great but hard-to-predict-usage-of Correll Buckhalter off the waiver wire, although it seems likely that he will get the nod this Sunday, and although he is no Westy, he is solid. Surprise edge this week will go to the Washington DEF – they will make the Rams look like asshats, and I am seeing at least 2 defensive TDs.

TLIC by 9.


AP1 MM (4-1) -5 vs AP4 BUTTA (3-2)
LAST SEASON SERIES: BUTTA 2-0

According to the projections, this is very close. I agree – this was is tough to call. Will Butta be too distracted being a hockey mom to pay attention to his fantasy squad? I mean, he did blow off his writing duties this week; clearly his mind is somewhere else. I like MM QB Romo vs the Cardinals, but if Romo has a good day, that should mean Butta WR TO has a good day as well. Butta WR Steve Smith is an animal – I can never root against this guy since I picked him up off waivers like 3 years ago, and he kicked ass. MM WR TJ Housh will be distracted talking to the 49ers on the sidelines; other WR Plaxico will be on the phone all Sunday talking to Alamo Rent-a-Car. The difference-maker in this one will be MM RB Matt Forte – this guy is on fire, and will go off against the dirty birds.

MM wins by 5.

AP3 ND40 (3-2) -10 vs AP7 JOE LOUIS (2-3)
LAST SEASON SERIES: JOE LOU 2-0

ND40 was reportedly injured slashing McCain signs with a boxcutter in Highland Park – will his painkillers cause him to lose focus? This one should come down to running back performance, and in this matchup, we have the some of the elite backs in the league. JLL Gore and Brown are kicking all kinds of ass of late – did anyone foresee the bizarre resurgence of Ronnie “Direct Snap” Brown? ND’s Adrian Peterson is a god among men, and can be worth 2-3 players worth of stats if things go his way. As of this writing, ND40 has Earnest Graham riding the pine, which is understandable given the annoying old geezer Warrick Dunn hanging around stealing his carries. I think Brees and Rodgers are a push. ND WR Greg Jennings should account for ND40’s lack of a quality second running back. The x factor here is Jason Witten, who should have a monster day vs the Tards.

ND40 by 10.

GUT PICK OF THE WEEK
AP6 KC BEES (2-3) vs AP8 ROSS (1-4)
LAST SEASON SERIES: KC 2-0

KC Bees are hating the software and technology in general – word is that he has retreated to the mountains to a decrepit cabin, Unabomber style, and is setting his lineup via handcrank laptop. The analysts are highly discounting ROSS lynchpins Jason Campbell and Santana Moss based on crap performance last week, but you can’t play the Rams without looking like allstars, no matter who you are. ROSS RB’s are a veritable who’s who of the NFL, i.e., “Who? Who the fck is that?” KC Bees WR corps of Fitz and Marshall should be solid. I think this one is closer than it looks on paper, but ROSS is snakebit – it is doubtful they will win another game this season.

AP PCS POLL, Week 5

AP#1 MONTREAL MACHINE: MM is defying all the odds right now. Can they keep it up? MM QB Romo is tired of MM coming down on the field all the time. Says he should stay in owners box with Jess.

AP#2 TLICIOUS: TLIC makes a huge jump to #2 with a very big win over JL. TLIC is not getting anything from #1 overall pick RB LT and its causing some issues in the front office. TLIC gets FLC next week and that is going to be a great one.

AP#3 ND40: ND40 drops two spots after losing the GOTW SHOWDOWN HOEDOWN with MONTREAL. Its October and you have to wonder where Mr September goes from here. RB ALL DAY PETERSON looks more like SLEEP ALL NIGHT PETERSON on MNF.

AP#4 BUTTAFUOCO: They are lucky to be this high in the rankings. If it wasnt for the one point victory over surging FLC, they could be AP6 or 7. BUTTA QB McNabb is not getting done. Now, BUTTA brings in QB Favre and they have a long history of dislike. Its getting ugly. Can they get along?

AP#5 FLC: The defending champion is pulling an MM of last year. This big victory over ROSS means they could be AP2 next week. They need the TLIC game badly. They deserve a high ranking but they must keep winning. Naperville has high hopes for this team

AP#6 KC BEES: You gotta move them up a slot with the big win over BUTTA. The SOFTWARE and KC are just not getting along and you have to wonder if it will kill them in the end

AP#7 JOE LOUIS: They have high point totals but are 2-3 with QB Brees taking snaps. This means the rest of the guys are not holding up their end of the bargain. Two losses in a row (ROSS, TLIC) and gets ND40 next week.

AP#8 ROSS: ROSS cleaned house after the FLC massacre this week. After the record setting 57 points this week the Red Oak fans are boycotting next weeks home game verses KC. ROSS must win next week with the new players picked up off the wire. RB Westy hurt again.

BUTTA PICKS, WEEK 5

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WEEK 4 featured some amazingly close games. ROSS gets TEAM OF THE WEEK honors by easily disposing of AP1 JOE LOUIS. Our first big upset of the year. The ROSS 10 game losing streak is over. New AP1 ND40 beats TLICIOUS and is a team to be reckon with. KC took the field without a QB and loses to the surging AP3 MONTREAL. MONTREAL has won their last 3. In a rematch of last years SUPA BOWL, Buttafuoco beats FLC by one point. FLC has lost 2 in a row and could easily be 3-1. This week will start the separation of the league. AP1 ND40 meets MM, both 3-1. ROSS tangles with FLC, both 1-3. Then, TLIC and JOE LOUIS goes head to head at 2-2. This is CRAZY. Then in the GUT PICK, BUTTA goes against “THE SOFTWARE” and KC BEES.


WHO’S HOT: MONTREAL W3
WHO’S NOT: FLC L2


GAME OF THE WEEK
AP1 ND40 (3-1) -7 vs AP3 MONTREAL (3-1)
LAST SEASON SERIES: MM 2-1

WOW. We can tell you right off the bat, this will be quite a football game. This week both lineups feature some huge potential. MONTREAL has surprised all of us with a 3-1 start. It seems like they got screwed at every moment last year. They are out to get back in the upper division. What can you say about ND40? The pastiest team in America is AP1 and living it up. ND40 QB Pimples is back off the bye week and he should be better than ever this week. At least better than what weve seen this season so far. MM QB Romo should be equally as good. When we look at the game we see “fvcking gangbusters”. Big points everywhere. Once again, this is a fairly even game but once again, ND40 has the wildcard in TE Witten. He is difference maker and clarifies the importance of a great TE. ND40 and TE Witten win by 7.


SECOND BEST GAME
AP5 JOE LOUIS (2-2) -9 vs AP4 TLIC (2-2)
LAST SEASON SERIES: JOE 2-1

Damn. This is the sequel to the Pastygangsta Golf Championship held in St. Lou. The TLIC meltdown. The quiet cockiness of JOE LOUIS. We’ll more importantly, here is the first meeting of the season of two teams that need a boost. Both at 2-2, a win gives a boost of momentum and leaves the loser feeling like Gary Coleman competing at the World Sumo Wrestling Championships. This is a very difficult game to breakdown. TLIC WR Lance and Antonio? Sounds like two gay guys opening up a pizza joint. Not a hardcore football contest. Then, you have JL WR Randall Moss. Where this guy goes from here is anyones guess. TLIC RB LT seems like hes getting together but we need another big game. He should get his this week. HYVEE QB Warner is like Good Favre/ Bad Favre. Hes got a tough game this week but at home. When it comes down to it, TLIC can win this game. It wouldnt be a surprise if they did but we will take JOE LOUIS behind the likes of QB Brees and RB Frank. JOE LOUIS by 9.



AP6 FLC (1-3) -6 vs AP7 ROSS (1-3)
LAST SEASON SERIES: TIE 1-1

The ROSS soap opera is now at a fever pitch. ROSS snaps the streak by beating JOE and Red Oak is a new city. Some have dusted off the clip on beards but not all. ROSS can feel the momentum. FLC is unlucky in love. The defending champ is 1-3 with two heartbreakers. The big question here is will ROSS RB Westy play? If so, this can change the complexity of the game. For now we’ll say no. FLC QB Jay needs a rebound week and this is a big test for ROSS QB Campbell. ROSS RB LJ has come back from the dead. This will be a real battle in the trenches. A low scoring showdown that leaves FLC on top with WR Andre having a BIG game.



GUT PICK OF THE WEEK
AP2 BUTTA (3-1) -5 vs AP8 KC BEES (1-3)
LAST SEASON SERIES: KC 2-0


Merciful Heavens. The GUT just watched Sarah Palin get all sensual and sexual on the TV. The GUT is a little excited. Even in all his excitement, the GUT is befuddled by Sarah’s accent. The GUT says its annoying yet comforting. Now, the GUT sees this game and the excitement has turned to sourness (limp). KC’s fumbles from center all game last week is even enough to make Joe Biden smile. BUTTA WR Braylon playing the freaking air guitar after scoring his first TD last week. Nauseating. KC has some big time greatness in RB Barber, WR Marshall, WR Fitzy and even rookie WR DeSean. The GUT feels there is just too much tension between THE SOFTWARE and KC BEE. BUTTA by 5. GUT thinks it will be very close. BUTTA WR Kevin Walter is as white as you can get hence the name Kevin Walter. (This guy was a ROSS hero two years ago.) Yep

AP PCS POLL, WEEK 4

AP1 ND40: Good things happen when you have RB Ernie on your team. Mr September lives up to the name. BIG Showdown vs MM next week

AP2 BUTTAFUOCO: Have won 2 close games. Not an impressive AP2 but winning games anyway. WR Donald Duck Dunn Driver is invisible.

AP3 MONTREAL: Winning Ugly. This is a sneaky team. MM trying to keep Jess Simpson far away from Clubhouse. Wants ND40 badly

AP4 TLICIOUS: RB LT is coming back. Tough loss this week. HYVEE QB Warner is wacky.

AP5 JOE LOUIS: Loses to AP8 ROSS. It was a bad bye week for them but we can rank them behind TLIC until next weeks clash

AP6 FLC: The defending champ not getting any breaks. Last 2 losses by a combined 3 points. Naperville is not giving up hope. WR Hines will not show his face in NAPERVILLE this week.

AP7 ROSS: When you beat AP1 team by 20 plus you rise to AP7. All of a sudden, the city of Red Oak believes. A win next week and the paper bags turn to clip on beards

AP8 KC BEES: The software hates QB Carson and the owner. Software wants to partner with ND40 next year. Software hates everything right now

Oh Butta....

Folks, Heather Locklear

Nice mug shot of ROSS Cheerleader. Things are looking up in Red Oak

John Elway Engaged to Former Oakland Raider Cheerleader!

Awwww...aren't the kids cute? The wife-to-be is former Raiiiiiddder (channeling my best Chris Berman) cheerleader Paige Green.

Johnny should know better than to take his troops into enemy territory but I gotta admit...it's nice territory.

Best of luck to the future Elway-Greens.

Green-Elways?

Whatever.

Enjoy helping him floss those horse teeth every night, Paige.

This has been your PFL Hollywood Minute update.

BUTTAFUOCO PICKS, WEEK 4

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We’ll what a week 2! We have 5 teams at 2-1. ROSS is only 2 games back. Speaking of ROSS, they break an old record. TLICIOUS downs ROSS. Perhaps if RB Westy doesn’t get hurt, we would have had a different scenario. JOE LOUIS is AP1 once again. After spending most of last year in that slot, they are right back at the top again. JOE LOUIS beats an underachieving, disappointing BUTTAFUOCO. KC BEES get a big win over the former AP1 ND40. We think KC is on the move. Perhaps the game of the week was MM beating defending champion FLC by just a few. It came down to the last minutes of MNF. MONTREAL is another team with some potential. This week will provide some separation in the standings with a HUGE Tlicious vs ND40 tussle. Winner gets some or all of first place.


WHO’S HOT: MONTREAL W2
WHO’S NOT: ROSS L10


GAME OF THE WEEK
AP4 ND40 (2-1) -9 vs AP3 TLIC
LAST SEASON SERIES: TLIC 2-1

A rematch of last years TOILET BOWL. Always an epic battle. This is our GOTW. Both teams want to avoid the mediocre 2-2 mark. The league is tight and every W matters. The two clubs have met in a SUPA BOWL and a TOILET BOWL. Folks, TLIC RB LT is back! And he usually eats up the Raiders. TLIC RB REG has been quality so far but it wont last. This week these two will be tough. ND40 RB AP and Earnest will have a tough task keeping up. What is going on with the FA WRs in this tilt? That’s just wrong. Its as wrong as Kurtie with a George Hamilton tan. ND40 Stuckey? TLIC Meachem and Bryant? Desperation with byes in week 4 already? Actually, buttapicks.com had WR Meachem in their “super-sleeper” category in August. The kid has got skills. ND40 Stuckey will need some mojo. You gotta give the WR edge to ND40. ND40 WR Dwayne Bowe is freak but has to overcome the problems around him. We do like him this week. ND40 WR Jennings will be big. ND40 will really take advantage with TE Witten in this one. ND40 BY 9


SECOND BEST GAME
AP2 BUTTA (2-1) -7 vs AP7 FLC (1-2)
LAST SEASON SERIES: FLC 3-0

And here is the REMATCH OF SUPA BOWL VIV. FLC remarkably swept this series last year. First time ever. FLC wins a very close SUPA BOWL and Naperville is finally put on the football map. Both teams are trying to figure out who they are. Only Denny Green knows. BUTTA QB Edwards looks like he’ll get the start although that can change any moment. BUTTA RBs Marshawn is in for a big game but we cant say the same for RB Action Jackson. FLC RBs Portis and Perry need to come up big. The BUTTA WR trio (TO, Smitty and Donald Duck Driver) is scary, so FLC Wide outs (AJ, Coles and Hines) must produce. Anything can happen with FLC QB Cutler taking the snaps, so you cant be too confident if you take BUTTA but we say BUTTA gets SUPA BOWL REVENGE and wins by a TD.



BYE WEEK BOWL
AP5 MONTREAL (2-1) -2 vs AP6 KC BEES (1-2)
LAST SEASON SERIES: TIE 1-1

Both teams are filled with bye weeks. This will makes things very interesting this week. A MM win and they are sitting very pretty with a share of 1st place. A KC BEE loss and they have to start digging. KC is 1-2 but we are pimping this squad. KC WRs Marshall and Fitzy will be very good this week. KC RB Marion is a buttapicks.com favorite and he always comes correct. We think KC QB Carson will make up some big numbers this week. We are very concerned about KC RB Edge, so MM must capitalize with their RB Combo of Forte and Tommy Jones. MM QB Romo should have a big game again but we cant go against KC this week. KC BY 10.


GUT PICK OF THE WEEK
AP1 JOE LOUIS LIONS (2-1) -12 vs AP8 ROSS (0-3)
SEASON SERIES: JOE 2-0

Merciful Heavens. This game couldn’t have come at a worse time for ROSS. We don’t need an 11 game losing streak in the city of Red Oak. Fans are revolting. ROSS Football is the only thing these people live for. The gut is feeling quezzy. Now, the gut knows JOE LOUIS has major bye issues this week but the gut doesn’t think ROSS RBs LenDale and Buckhalter can do anything. Even new ROSS QB Big Ben makes the gut not very excited. JOE LOU RBs Fat Turner and Gore could have really big days. The gut has nothing good to say about ROSS except this will be a pretty close game for ROSS but they wont win. The gut cant take ROSS until hes sees a "W". ROSS loses 11 straight. JOE by 12

AP PCS POLL, WEEK 3

AP#1 JOE LOUIS: Back at #1 and gets ROSS next week. The rest of the league could be chasin again

AP#2 BUTTAFUOCO: Bad loss but they beat TLIC who is AP3. QB's are banged up. Thats a concern

AP#3 TLICIOUS: beats AP8 ROSS. Will need to step it up for showdown with ND40. Shockey gets hurt and dropped. Harsh.

AP#4 ND40: Falls down to AP4 after very disappointing week.

AP#5 MONTREAL: A huge win and MM is winning ugly

AP#6 KC BEES: Look out for this team. They are going to get better

AP#7 FLC: Naperville is on a roller coaster ride. A win verses BUTTA and they should be AP3 or better

AP#8 ROSS: The record 10 game losing streak and ROSS is talking about moving the team. Red Oak is not happy. The paper bags are out.