Glengarry Glen Ross speech

B-PICKS 7

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WHO’S HOT: TLIC (W4)
WHO’S NOT: ND40 (L4)


GAME OF THE WEEK
FLC (3-3) -2 vs ROSS (4-2)
LAST SEASON: FLC 2-1

The GOTW features ROSS and FLC. We wonder if this matchup has ever been the GOTW. Folks, Red Oak BELIEVES. The town is crazy. Taco’s on Tuesday. Wednesday?.....ROSS HUMP DAY. On Wednesday, there was a huge rally in Red OAK……and when FLC comes to town things get even more crazy. A rivalry game and GOTW….both teams are contenders….LETS get it on. We see a very close game. Really, this one can go either way. Its like Lady Gaga at a dinner with Pitt and Jolie. Which one does she go with at the end of the night? Its hard to go against this ROSS magic going on but we will. I mean what are the odds of the Rangers going to the WS and ROSS going 5-2. We think FLC TE Tony M. has a big day and pushes FLC to a tight victory. Also, FLC WR Wes gets his grove back. FLC BY 2



HOGFATHER (3-3) -2 vs TLIC (5-1)
LAST SEASON MEETING: NEVAH

THE BATTLE OF BRENTWOOD? OR THE LOU? What are we gonna call it? HOGS had their best week ever and look like they are hitting stride. TLIC looks like the one to beat. Hopefully this is a rivalry in the making…..like Holyfield vs Tyson…….You look at these two lineups and it’s a tough one. It will be a high scoring affair with a touch of drama. MNF features a slew of players in this game. We think this is the Week of the HOG. Hogs are on the upswing. TLIC has a letdown game. HOGS WIN BY 2



KC BEES (3-3) -8 vs MONTREAL (2-4)
LAST SEASON MEETING: 1-1-1

A big game for MM. If MM loses they will have a big hole to dig out of…like Favre vs Deanna. KC and The Software have been bickering all week like an old married couple. A loss for KC means drinking, hookers and dance clubs all week for the SOFTWARE…..Actually win or lose that is always the SOFTWARE’s week. KC gets the nod because we feel a real monster day out of KC QB BREES. MM has some holes to fill with bye weeks. KC BY 8



GUT PICK OF THE WEEK
BUTTA (3-3) -10 vs ND40 (1-4)
LAST SEASON MEETING: ND40 2-1

A REMATCH OF THE 2009 SUPA BOWL is the GUT PICK. The gut pick features a must win situation for ND40. Next week is SCHERF BOWL, so we don’t know if ND40 is looking past Butta or not. ND40 is a professional, so we think not. ND40 needs QB Carson to stop being ‘not good.’ The GUT doesn’t analyze. The GUT just PICKS. The GUT SAYS……….EVIL EMPIRE BY 10.

AP PCS 7

AP PCS POLL

AP#1 TLICIOUS: TLIC comes through again. TLIC controls his own SB playoff destiny now. A showdown hoedown with HOGFATHER this week.

AP#2 ROSS: What a story. ROSS hasn’t been this high in the rankings since 2006 when the went to the SUPA BOWL.. Red Oak Sea Snake flags are all over town. ROSS has won 3 straight and this week they get a fired up Kanye.

AP#3: KC BEES: Software and KC are not on speaking terms right now. Nuff said.

AP#4 BUTTA: Hanging around at AP4…The Evil Empire ain’t dead yet. Still this team is on shaky ground. They hookup with ND40 in a SB rematch.

AP#5 FLC: Kanye and FLC still are ‘ridin dirty’ down Naperville Blvd.

AP#6 HOGFATHER: Hogs put up their best performance in their young history. A huge showdown with AP1 this week.

AP#7 MONTREAL: A very tough loss on a fine offensive performance. MONTREAL needs some love. A few wins get them back into the top 4. They are a good team that has some breaks coming for them in the future.

AP#8 ND40: They need to start winnin. 12-2 record from last year is forgotten as far as Serena is concerned. She’s sayin, “What have you done for me lately?” The Basement Bed and Breakfast is back in business.

BUTTA PICKS 6

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WHO’S HOT: TLIC (W3)
WHO’S NOT: ND40 (L3)


GAME OF THE WEEK
KC BEES (3-2) -13 vs ROSS (3-2)
LAST SEASON: 1-1

Seriously, When was the last time ROSS was in the GOTW. This is a HUGE game for ROSS. A win puts them at 4-2 and possibly a share of first place. KC/Software is starting to roll like Favre on a blackberry. The Software is feeling it. He even went shopping for new clothes at Von Maur before hitting the bars. KC was not pleased. Red Oak is buzzing right now. The town has the fever like Eldrick Woods pulling an all-nighter at the Adult Book Store off I-80. Clip-on beards are popping up everywhere. KC looks strong this week. Can ROSS WRs Moss and Lloyd keep up with KC WRs Miles and Reg. Its gonna be tough. ROSS needs to keep that WR matchup close and needs ROSS RB Ryan T. to put up big points to get the upset. Red Oak believes! KC by 13


TLIC (4-1) -3 vs ND40 (1-4)
LAST SEASON MEETING: ND40 2-0

You would think AP1 vs AP8 is not a big game. This one is. Not only a rivalry but two teams trying to find out who they are. ND40 is not a team that should be AP8 but W’s is the name of the game. An ND40 loss here and they will be in MUST-WIN situations by Week 8. TLIC is clear cut AP1 right now and they are HOT. Like Alyssa Milano…..doing anything…..anytime….like ever. Folks, this will be a high scoring affair. ND40 is going all out. Look for 300-plus total points in this one. The big difference in the game? TLIC RB Chris Johnson’s 30 points this week. TLIC BY 3



FLC (3-2) -1 vs BUTTA (2-3)
LAST SEASON MEETING: BUTTA 2-0

Butta has fallen on hard times. Injuries and Under achievers. The quick hook has been activated. Coffee is for closers and this team does not drink coffee. The Evil Empire is on a downward swing and looking for someone to show something. FLC is in the hunt….like Anderson Cooper standing in the middle of a Category 5 hurricane. He has no business there….YET….hes there! Should be a very close game. BUTTA picks up QB Eli and rolls with him. It will be interesting to see how FLC WR Wes plays this week. Should be a close one. FLC by 1


GUT PICK OF THE WEEK
HOGFATHER (2-3) -2 vs MM (2-3)
LAST SEASON MEETING: NEVAH

The gut game is a big one. The loser will have some digging to do. The health of MM WR Calvin is critical to their success. HF has some nice matchups according to the GUT. MM looks good too…like a Jimmy Johns #14……according to the GUT. The GUT looks…..thinks……and says………….BRISTAL PALIN WINS DANCING WITH THE STARS………..oh, HOGS BY 2.

All I Do is Win

Hat tip to the HogFather...

A Saturday Without Hawkeye Football

What's a guy to do?

Well, um, actually a pretty nice little Saturday, we're going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if we'll have enough time.

BP PICKS 5

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WHO’S HOT: TLIC, FLC (W2)
WHO’S NOT: ND40, MM (L2)


GAME OF THE WEEK
AP#1TLIC (3-1) -10 vs AP#2FLC (3-1)
LAST SEASON: TLIC 1-0-1

Our GAME OF THE WEEK is a PCS showdown between AP1/AP2. Last year these two had a 117-117 tie before they both entered the TB PLAYOFFS. FLC hasn’t been in a big game for quite a while. TLIC usually performs well after a Toilet Bowl year. These two teams are not huge rivals such as a TLIC/KC match or a FLC/ND40 tilt so a new rivalry could be born. Its only week five but this is where the separation begins. TLIC QB ROMO gets the start and that is always an adventure. The TLIC RBs is where TLIC is strongest but needs RB CJ to get going and he will. FLC is suspect this week with FLC RB MARION (A Butta dropout) and will need to carried by FLC RB AP. The whole world is on FLC QB Hill this week. Lots of pressure. Both WR trio’s are formidable but this game falls on both QBs. It should be a high scoring good time but TLIC has too much on this warm weekend. MNF will be great as FLC RB AP will need about 35 to win. TLIC BY 10.



BUTTA (2-2) -9 vs ROSS (2-2)
LAST SEASON MEETING: BUTTA 2-0

Red Oak is pumped. We don’t know if ROSS is trying to sell more clip-on beards or what but the shot was called. ROSS predicts victory like Namath and Messier before him. This is just what they needed. Times are hard in Red Oak and people are down. Jobs are scarce. BUT THEY LOVE THE SEA SNAKES. A huge game for ROSS. Defeating the DEFENDING WORLD CHAMPS and EVIL EMPIRE is just what they need. BUTTA comes off the loss to TLIC. This BUTTA team has more gaping holes than Paris Hilton in a homemade sex tape. BUTTA QB Rodgers is the glue that keeps this team afloat. ROSS cut ties with both QBs and starts ROOK QB SAM. Also, brought in was RB Torain but the main threat is ROSS RB MJD. Should be a great one with ROSS WR BRAYLON going for the win on MNF. BUTTA just has enough to beat the young QB SAM. BUTTA BY 9



KC BEES (2-2) -13 vs HOGFATHER (2-2)
LAST SEASON MEETING: NEVAH

Hogs put up a bad one last week. KC still cant believe they aren’t 4-0 at this point. Both teams have endured tough losses and this is a huge game to get momentum going. KC caught the SOFTWARE drinking 40’s on Wednesday night. A night where they are supposed to work on the game plan. Tensions are rising again between the two. We think KC has too much this week with QB Brees and WR Wayne. HF RB Rice needs to prove he was worth the high draft pick this week. KC by 13




GUT PICK OF THE WEEK
MONTREAL (1-3) -1 vs ND40 (1-3)
LAST SEASON MEETING: 1-1
ND40 in the GUT PICK. He invented the GUT PICK. In a week where we see Brett Favre’s PP we get a great GUT PICK game. Both teams clearly need a win. Right now, folks think ND40 is the better team. The gut thinks not. THE GUT feels the MM frustration like Brett feels the need to show his peter to hot chick whos not his wife. There is something we like about MM this week. This is a breakout game for MM. ND40 QB Pimples is not going to get by with a Brett like performance. Folks, MM in a mild upset which puts the highly touted ND40 at 1-4 and leaves Serena wondering, “Is that Brett Favre’s Harry Wang?”

Favre's A Big Dick...

...although he apparently doesn't have one.


http://deadspin.com/5658206/brett-favres-cellphone-seduction-of-jenn-sterger

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: FLC

BP: How are you?

FLC: life is great for FLC….lol. :p Best family ever!!!!! Super talented kids. My beautiful bride makes the yummiest meals. YUM-O!!!!!!! I get to hang with my besties in Naperthrille all day long and do AWESOME things! Job is going well…making soooooooo much money and have clients who loooooove me. Every day I wake up and say: “R U KIDDING ME????????” For realssssssssssssssss-y. ;)



BP: This is a big week for FLC. Even though it’s early, this AP1 vs. AP2 game is as big as Naperville has seen since your Supa Bowl victory. How is the team preparing?

FLC: lot of carb loading, Butta. Oh, and multi-pack purchases of Chasers, the official hangover relief of TPG.

Oh, you meant how the team is preparing. Sorry.

Ummmmmm….lots of extra film sessions. Oh, and extra Indian Runs, Terrible 20’s, Box Drills and 4 Corners. 4 weeks in and FLC is still kinda soft. Not Delta Burke caught in a mattress factory with the Pillsbury Doughboy soft, but soft nonetheless.


BP: It’s interesting that you hired Kanye as your VP/Public Relations/Hype Man. A lot of people around the league thought it was to get back at ND40 for his teaming up with Serena. Ever since ND40 started SMACKIN DAT AZZ, they have been a dominate force in the league. In fact, ND40 is 3rd in All-time wins and have become part of the PFL elite. How has the relationship between you and Kanye helped FLC Football and is this in retaliation to ND40 front office success?


FLC: An unnamed source has suggested that ND40 owner Kurt’s trips to Eastern Europe (specifically Budapest) serve the sole purpose of obtaining East German anabolic steroids. I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’. Have we seen ND40 become more aggressive and dominant on the fantasy football field over the past couple of years? Absolutely. Have we also seen ND40 fade in November and December, like Snooki’s tan in January? You bet. Connection to East German anabolic steroid use….you be the judge.

Have you seen Serena lately? Dude…err…gal looks more like Carl Weathers in “Predator” than a woman’s tennis pro.


Aside from all the blatant cheating, Kanye has been a stabilizing force in the FLC front office. Guy is the epitome of calm, cool and collected. Plus, he puts the “a-s-s” in “c-l-a-s-s”.


BP: Rumor has it you and Kanye like to roll up and down the streets of N-Ville in the mini-van after a victory…..and with the focus of harassing Naperville’s most attractive moms. You guys call it “Riding Dirty”. Is this true? Also, we all know that black on black crime is a serious problem in our nation. White on White crime is serious in Naperville as we know. Now, Naperville is calling you guys, “Oreo Nation” and “Twist Ice Cream” when you roll in the mini-van. Are you guys causing trouble?

FLC: No question the Naperville po-po are on the lookout for the street custom Odyssey after FLC victories. They think they can see us lean but the Honda is tint so it ain't easy to be seen. Sure, we got warrants in every city except Houston, but we still ain’t losin’.


Kanye and FLC get this bad boy reputation that we just don’t live up to. In fact, our favorite post-victory routine is to head to some exclusive Naperville haunts and chill with our shorties. Not sure if the rest of the nation has heard of such hot spots as Buffalo Wild Wings and Five Guys, but that’s how Kanye and FLC roll….exclusive. We like poppin’ bottles in the ice; like a blizzard. Oh, and when Kanye and FLC drink, we do it right; gettin’ slizzard. Our post-victory celebrations are like being in a top-notch private aircraft, but I can’t come up with the right name to describe it.

To top off a victory weekend, Kanye and FLC hit the super exclusive Cold Stone. Too damn bad for the rest of TPG’s that you don’t have access to such luxuries like Kanye and me.


BP: Finally, what would a win over TLIC mean to the city this week?

FLC: A victory this weekend would soften a lot of recent Naperville disappointments: the loss in the Illinois State debate finals by the Naperville Central High School Redhawks, the closing of the Ann Taylor Loft on 75th Street and the fact that the city fell to the 54th best place to live according to Money magazine (after being #3 in 2008).

AP PCS WEEK 5

AP PCS POLL

AP#1 TLICIOUS: Its been a long time since AP#1. Its an AP1 VS AP2 showdown this week. TLIC watching FLC game film instead of Letterman? Its true!

AP#2 FLC: Kanye and FLC are feeling the love. Its been a long time since this team had this much excitement going on. This game verses TLIC will bring out the N-ville hot moms in tight fitting FLC gear.

AP#3: KC BEES: This team is better than its 2-2 record. KC is more upset about this then the SOFTWARE. Usually the Software is the one with short unpredictable temper. Stay tuned.

AP#4 BUTTA: This not a good Stallions team yet they always sit around AP4 the first half of the season. The loss to TLIC was devastating.

AP#5 ROSS: Red Oak is excited about the 2-2 start. Clip-on beards are back in style.

AP#6 HOGFATHER: Hogs have had ups and downs. This week was one to forget.

AP#7 ND40: Clearly a team better than their record. ND40 WR Randy wants out. ND40 usually gets through the drama and starts to win games. Serena is not panicking.

AP#8 MONTREAL: MM needs to get it together. However, a slow start could mean a strong finish. A complete opposite of last year.